Posted by: Christine Johnson | February 12, 2010

Especially for Jennifer at Conversion Diary

Jennifer mentioned getting credit for freaking out about snow and cold because of where she lives. It made me think of these old jokes about comparative temperature. Here’s one from Michigan that is close to what I saw in an email once.

+70°F (21°C) and above
Texans turn on the heat and unpack the thermal underwear.
People in Michigan go swimming in the Lakes.

+60°F (16°C)
North Carolinians try to turn on the heat.
People in Michigan plant gardens.

+50°F (10°C)
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Michigan sunbathe.

+40°F (4°C)
Italian & English cars won’t start.
People in Michigan drive with the windows down.

+32°F (0°C)
Distilled water freezes.
Lake Superior’s water gets thicker.

+20°F (-7°C)
Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves and woolly hats.
People in Michigan throw on a flannel shirt.

+10°F (-12°C)
Philadelphia landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Michigan have the last cookout before it gets cold.

Henry Payne cartoon
(by Henry Payne, © 2006 Detroit News)

0°F (-18°C)
People in Miami all die…
Michiganders lick the flagpole.

-20°F (-29°C)
Californians fly away to Mexico.
People in Michigan get out their winter coats.

-40°F (-40°C)
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Michigan are selling cookies door to door.

-60°F (-51°C)
Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic.
Michigan Boy Scouts postpone “Winter Survival” classes until it gets cold enough.

-80°F (-62°C)
Mt. St. Helens freezes.
People in Michigan rent some videos.

-100°F (-73°C)
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Michiganders get frustrated because they can’t thaw the keg.

-297°F (-183°C)
Microbial life no longer survives on dairy products.
Cows in Michigan complain about farmers with cold hands.

-460°F (-273°C)
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero in the Kelvin scale).
People in Michigan start saying, “Cold ’nuff for ya?”

-500°F (-296°C)
Hell freezes over.
The Lions win the Super Bowl!

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